The alternative sucks.

I'd agree with anyone that wants to say that the Church is messed up. In fact, I've could even be quoted as saying that "the Church is the most messed up institution that ever changed the world." We have issues, and like any family, issues like these are deep.

This really doesn't surprise me (although I think it really is a turn off for many). It makes sense why. I mean, I consider myself part of the Church, and I'm messed up (probably an understatement, but we'll leave it at that). So if we bring together a bunch of people with my same tendencies, we're bound to have something that at the very best smells... stinks actually.

And yet Jesus loves His Church. He serves her and sacrifices for her. There's nothing... not one thing... He hasn't done for her, and although she can be compared to a prostitute when considering her faithfulness, His faithfulness is solid.

I like how Derek Webb sings it as though Jesus were saying it: "You cannot care for me, with no regards for her. If you love Me, you will love the church."

And so I'm learning to love the Church. I read "Jack's Life" last week, which is a biography of C.S. Lewis. For 30 years Lewis had this group of friends that called themselves the Inklings. They gathered to share their writings and receive feedback (which wasn't always the positive kind). One comment the book made was that there was a security within the relationships in the Inklings so that although two members might not agree with each other... or possibly disagree quite strongly... the friendship was never at stake. I like that concept, and I'm trying to implement it within the Church. There are several people and denominations I simply don't agree with. But that should not prevent me from caring for them and loving them.

It's hard. Sometimes very hard and borders on impossible. But that's the goal.

OK, now I've arrived at the real point of tonight's blog: the alternative to the Church. I just need to say that life outside the Church sucks. Throughout my life I find that I will, even without thinking about it, naturally surround myself with the Church. I do it because it is better for me. Even with all its scars and issues, the Church is different. It is moving toward something great, and although it has not arrived, this movement gives it a sweet taste.

When I force myself (and that is what I have to do... I never go there naturally) to go places where the Church (which are people) does not exist, it wears me out. I get beat up. Sometimes, because I've been graced with Church my whole life, I don't understand the driving impulses for the world's decision making. My own priorities get all shuffled, as the rhetoric of the world poorly persuades me. I feel abused and beaten, and it quickly and often arrives at the point where I would much rather just retreat back to the Church. And I often do. I'd probably die if I didn't.

I had an idea tonight while I was pondering all this in the midst of a situation that I do not understand because it is based on worldly logic. But I imagined a military first-aid tent. I can see the cots and stretchers, boxes with large red crosses on them, and IV stands and the staff on standby, ready to treat the wounded. That's what the Church should look like. In fact, I think it would be a great way to decorate a church building, just to remind the Church of one of its main roles as support system for those (which should be everyone) who are out getting beat up throughout the week. A refuge to get out of the way of the shelling, but with the intention of returning to the battle.

Because the world is beating people to death.