Surrender don't come natural to me

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Why am I here?

This morning I got up at 3 am to go somewhere I really didn’t want to go. We have this shipment of blankets for children that we’ve needed to deliver to needy Bolivian children, but to be honest I really didn’t want to go. There is lot going on in La Paz, I feel like it is not in my ministry focus, and I just simply didn’t want to. A poor attitude.

But I went anyways. I want to support Pedro, and this is his project. Well, we had problems getting to the mining town of Llallaguas, so what should have been 6 hours on buses ended up being a combination waiting and riding that took 9 hours. Then, when we reach our destination the blankets we thought we’d sent yesterday... well, it turns out they never left La Paz!

So why am I here? I think that’s a fair question. Let me tell you a couple stories:

Without blankets to deliver, we spent the afternoon walking around this town. It is a very unique place, once the home to the largest tin mine in Bolivia. Now the mine is nearly abandoned and the new industry is education. It is a fascinating mix of fresh ideas and energetic youth overflowing the universities and sad, dying poverty left over from the mine.

We took a self tour near the mine. There we found a man by himself with a pile of rocks pounding away with a hand maul looking for tin. We stopped and talked with him and watched him work. Two things struck me. One was the loneliness of such a life. It was bad enough the difficult work this man was doing, but to do it alone seemed like a punishment straight out of the horrors of prison.

The second thing that struck me was the hopelessness of the situation. The going rate for tin is 20 Bs. per pound. I imagine this man will work 10 hours today and maybe accumulate a pound of tin. So he will take home something around $2.50 US. I think the capitalistic spirit in me made me think that there has to be something better. But I’m sure this is all he’s done his whole life, so there are no other skills he knows. And even if there were, thousands of others like him are already standing in line to get jobs. And such jobs are not really what you’d want anyways. The market is flooded with people trying to make a living, and although this is great for the consumer, the rock bottom prices make earning a living seem impossible. It is messed up.

As we walked we visited child care centers looking for places where we can deliver the blankets when they arrive. I won’t describe the places as they are simply sad and overwhelming and they broke my heart. But what really struck me were the stories I heard: families who share their father with two other families, brothels located across the street from homes full of children, a widow struggling to survive as a shepherd who lost everything she had (25 sheep) to a dog whose owner refuses to take responsibility and a justice system that won’t force him to.

Since I’ve been here in Bolivia, God has consistently taken me on such journeys where He shows me the suffering that exists around me; suffering that I can easily go days and months without noticing. This morning He drug me out of bed at 3 am to do just that. You might think I don’t like it, but I do. It makes me have to believe in a big God. It makes me remember that without God… apart from Him… I am and can do nothing. It serves to help me take my eyes off my worries and remember that the blessings God has given me are not Him showing His love for me but rather God blesses me so I can bless others. And that is what I want to do with this life.

I remember having a conversation a couple years back with a friend. I was working in a poor neighborhood in Mexico at the time and the question of the conversation was whether living in such conditions numbs our hearts to the suffering around us and therefore makes us calloused. I think I’m learning that God is the one who gives us tender hearts. Without such grace in our lives we are numb and calloused. But with His help, reminders and grace we are creatures that see this world through His eyes. And when that happens, and not before, we can actually be His hands and feet.

So why am I here? I think that’s a fair question. I think it is a little attitude check directly from God. Another chance to have my heart broken, my vision enlarged and to be changed. Thanks Dad.

2 Comments:

  • At April 20, 2007 12:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Me encanta tu historia, y es que considero que eres afortunado al poder estar ahí para Dios. Pero Dios elige a las personas en su voluntad y el lugar en el que deben estar (Eso me enseñó Dios por medio de Jon). Tienes mucha razón al decir lo terrible y doloroso que es ver todo lo que viste, pero esa es una realidad cruda. Todos tenemos las mismas oportunidades de conocerle a Dios, es decisión de uno hacerlo o no. Continua Dios te ayudará. :)

     
  • At April 21, 2007 10:28 AM, Blogger Danielle Alexandra said…

    I believe it was hard, I believe you heart was broken and you suffer for that people. I think that when we experience something like that God's wants us to be part of his sufferings.I can imagine Jesus watching that same scene every single day, but also kids in the streets, kids sell on prostitution, divorses, people cursing his name, hunger,etc... In Philipians 1:29 For Christ sake, God provides His children with both faith and suffering. In His sovereing grace, God not only gave Randy the marvelous gift of faith to believe in him but also the priviledge to suffer for His sake. Why are you here? Maybe just for the priviledge to share His sufferings! And he created you and brought you to La-Paz and to Llallagua to teach you that.
    You are a wonderful man! You are a gift from God! God is using your life in mighty ways even when you don't see that!
    I respect you and honor every word that came from your heart!
    See you soon!

     

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